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Let's Talk About Anger

May 9, 2017



Emotions are powerful, rich communicational system between your soul, mind, and body. We can use them as a messenger tool that every moment are telling us what's happening inside of our being. 


In nature, everything has its purpose. Emotions have many roles in our life and in human evolution. If we allow ourselves to recognize, feel and release them we can function on the higher level.


By living in the modern society we are expected to operate on the flat line without oscillating too much with our emotions. If a person is going through the grief immediately has to be "fixed" and pills are prescribed.  There is no time to talk about emotions or painful situation, there is no time to let it heal broken soul. 


If someone is happy and laughing it will receive judgmental looks and be questioned what's wrong with him/her is he/she crazy... there is no reason in this world to be so happy without something big. And if you ask what "big" means for them, they will zone out and you will be left without an answer. People don't know what will make them exquisitely happy.   

The right mask is a mask of numbness. Don't ever take it down, it's appropriate, it's cool, it's suitable for everyone, it will not make anyone unconfrontable neither in a too happy or sad way. 


Our whole mechanism is upside down because when you wanted to be angry you weren't when you wanted to hate you didn't. Now you want to love, suddenly you find that the mechanism doesn't work. 

Don't wear your mask. If you are angry be angry, that doesn't mean go and act upon your emotion and be violent but certainly, don't smile because it's untrue. 

In your childhood, you were trained when you are angry to smile and over the time you associated a smile with a fake exercise of your lips, while the heart is full of anger, a poison that destroys everything. 

The false phenomenon is created. 


Now you want to smile you have to force it. Positive emotions entered in your heart and started worming it up, you want to smile but something is not working. You have armor around your heart, something is stuck in your throat, and smile doesn't come. If you succeed to smile your smile is dead because it's controlled and  it's associated with an fake. Doesn't make you elevate, doesn't radiate around you. 


We haven't received a mechanism or healthy approach what to do with our emotions, we have been taught how to suppress and twist them or mask them. It's powerless and it's tiring, it's stealing our energy, pushing us to disconnect with the inner and outer world and we are becoming zombies. 


Have you ever seen a person whose emotional mechanism is functioning well? Usually, we associate that person's appearance with a bright light, radiance, and dancing. It's visible, you can sense it. When you feel absorbed by a person, his/her look is warm and present, touch soft and gentle, energy captivates your whole senses, you can tell that person has been transformed and emotions are well balanced. 


Your goal is to be in that state, without masks that create blocks and dysfunction. 



Let's see what's happening in the body when anger occurs.


You've been facing some provoking situation and you feel the boiling rush of energy overtaking your whole body. At that very moment, a signal for suppression is sent and jaw becomes blocked. All the anger comes into the jaw and then stops there. 

But anger has one more outlet for release and those are fingers/arms. A person becomes stiff, his/her movement is not dancing anymore it's blocked. 


If you suppress anything, there is some corresponding part in the body to the emotion. 

Imagine, if all that anger from many years ago got stuck in your jaw, and anger from many months ago, and from yesterday or maybe even today's traffic situation...what is doing to your teeth and structure inside of your mouth. Is your neck hurts because your jaw muscles are in connection with neck muscles and they are blocked, do you grind your teeth at night, are they positioned wrong way, do you overeat just to exercise those muscless and maybe release some tension? 

Do you talk too much, did you become an obsessive talker, do you smoke more because of an anger issue?

All those are signals that something is going on inside of your body that is asking to be addressed. 


But how we address anger?


To understand the whole mechanism we have to go one step deeper. Anger is cover up emotion, it's absolutely not causal emotion. 

The two most frequent causal emotions are fear and pain(any kind of pain-emotional, physical..etc) and we think what emotion that carries more power (comparing let's say fear and anger) we always choose that one in our case anger over fear because it creates falls powerful feeling.

We are masters of disguise, and we operate mostly at the surface level. 


To prove you this I will picture a common situation in the traffic that we all faced so many times. 

Imagine you are driving on the Highway at the 65mph or more and person next to your lane just decided to change it into yours. Without giving you any proper signaling, or looking behind a shoulder for you maybe being in a blind spot, just turned the wheel and you find yourself reacting fast to avoid the crash and yelling, swearing or pointing the middle finger. 

Yes, you are extremely angry it's so obvious but why? What was causal emotion? If you examine what could happened if you didn't take sudden action to avoid crash?


The first emotion that made you react was fear that protected you from the accident. The person took you by surprise and your brain even without your conscious acknowledgment had run the whole movie sent the fear and your nervous system reacted in the millisecond.  But because nobody likes to feel the fear and be overpowered by it, we jump to the surface level and go into the anger.  It gives us a power and we wanna punish the person who scared us for our life or maybe lives of our family in the car with us. 


If we go out of a car and start arguing, maybe using violence we are creating never ending loop and we are absolutely damaging our soul and the soul of that person ( not to mention body).


But what I am proposing over here is that if you wanna free yourself from the anger you have to get in connection with your causal emotion, to feel it and slowly release it. 

By practicing our whole life how to cover up those deeper emotions it's super hard to be that level conscious. I will give you two different approaches and you can try them and see what works for you the best. I am using both, they serve the purpose for me in different situations.

Before I start let me tell you just a bit about my temperament to not think I was born Zen Buddhist and it's easier for me to talk about it. 


My genetic profile is not helping my calmness, in the terms of neurotransmitters and how explosive I am by nature, I can just tell you - extremely. Coming from the country that was faced with wars in the past through the history due to an attractive position between east and west in my genetic code and collective consciousness or unconsciousness  I have strong forces within me to be a warrior. My great grandma was awarded as a civilian who become a great soldier. My moral clausulae are so strong and big that I don't take it easy on people's nonsense and bad manners. I was dealing with autism, without any external help, without proper sleep, communication with the outer world, in the foreign country, raising our son on foreign language that I didn't properly know, faced with many injustices over the years. 

And now I am balanced, warm, happy, and calm because I menage to free myself without faking or suppressing anything.


As at any beginning, it was hard to admit that issue is inside of me. If you are not ready to face that, just stop reading and forget everything I said. 

By taking ownership of our own internal processes we are claiming our power. That means we can change it. And we are growing/maturing emotionaly.


Taking the same example in the traffic just have on your mind that fear is the most prevalent and more important emotion that is always present, second emotion that can cause you to react is related to the feeling how significant we are to the others. 

If you have stopped first at the stop sign in the intersection and someone else just ignored you and the stop sign and zoomed in front of you, immediate feeling of being less valued is popping out  "I don't count, I am nobody, I am not worthy...etc" 

And it's unpleasant, we don't wanna have those thoughts about us and we jump into fals power by being fury and we might go after that car to show the driver how significant we are by threatening and harassing. 


I have been in those shoes many times, but in order to change, I would ask myself what emotion appeared before anger. I would leave the other driver alone and let karma to deal with him/her, but rather deal with my body and mind. I would try to locate the emotional cluster in my body (mindfulness practice can help you with that) and to give it a name. If it's a fear I would say something like this: "Oh my god, you scared me to death, you could kill me, or damage me, my whole body is afraid, shake my sholders and then release it. 


There is science behind shaking, in nature if gazelle is chased by a lion and escapes, would shiver for some time as a natural remedy to release a negative efects of fear. 

I would keep driving and shake my body few times to get rid of negatively charged energy. And I would be free!!!!!! 


At the first glance, your mind will play games with you and send you thoughts how this is maybe weak approach or will never work. But rather listening to your limited mind try it -you will see it's pure power.

It will bring you a freedom. 



My second approach is, more about how to deal with deep emotional issues with people. People who caused you to suffer, and in the past you either became a victim or took a justice in your hands and did harm them, at some level, back. 

I don't believe in allowing myself to be a victim but that is new subject of how to go through that learning for other time,  but certainly, I don't believe in violence. 


By telling you at the beginning that anger has to be experienced not covered up, you might find yourself lost, now. 


You can face a situation when you would be able to communicate clearly your emotions and say that person's words or behavior  are not loving and you feel angry and try to navigate as a grown-up person and get to resolv the issue. But we all have been faced many times with situations that we couldn't do that and as a result, we got to carry anger for years in our body. 



When my son was diagnosed with autism I had so much grief and fear inside of me, along with many questions like why him, or me, it's not fair...etc, by being in that lower vibrational field I was attracting many unfair people and situations.  Not being able to deal with my pain I was trying to cover it up to ignore it but I created pain in my organs that I couldn't ignore. Crashed my immune system to the level that doctors couldn't to surgery on me and It was needed as soon as possible.  


On the end, I ended up totally physically broken, people never took responsibilities for what they have done to me, ruined health and earned 5 scars on my body from surgeries. That was a huge wake-up call for me. My soul was wiping and I didn't wanna cry because I was a "strong woman", but my body was crying for my soul and something had to be changed. 


Once I was able to surrender to the hurtful feelings inside of me and my emotional wounds, I started changing my future, and my health. Since then I was drinking that anger and injustice, for years and every day, I couldn't understand that this world has the bigger meaning from what we can perceive and that I was (or something in me) responsible for other people's behavior towards me. 


Let's say your kid has provoked your equilibrium and you are seeing yourself exploding at any moment ( I took this example considering you should never harm a child ).

By immediately taking few deep breaths, and by this I am not joking because it's important to give a time for the brain and our frontal lobe to jump in and decide as a human being how to respond instead of our reptilian brain to react like an animal. By taking a time for your reasoning to kick in, you will be able to be conscious enough to not make a mistake that you will be regreting tomorrow. 


My advice over here is to take few deep braths, remove yourself from that space and address your emotions first before addressing enyone else. Without going into the deep layers of how the law of attraction- as one of the universal laws works I will tell you this, it has nothing to do with the other person but everything to do with you. 


Ok, how I address my feelings? 

It depends, if I am aware of exact emotion but causal one, for example, that I have been hurt by the words or actions of the other person I would work on the feeling (by alowing to fully feel it) of being hurt and maybe crying it out but if I am already angry and ready to explode, then I use one very useful tool which that is punching bag. If you don't have punching bag you have your fluffy pillow. Go nuts on it and get that anger out, by trying to think of how you feel, not how your child/husband/mom... or someone else is mean or bad or wrong. 


You might end up crying maybe about totally different reasons of how your father didn't treat you well or your mother never understood you on a deeper level, or you lost one of the parents early in your life..etc. Remember this, if you can't cry wholeheartedly, you can't laugh either. Comming to the point of craying will set you free on deeper level.



 After you are totally calm don't be surprised if your child comes into the room and apologizes to you and say how he/she was wrong. 


When energy is released it doesn't exist in your field and doesn't attract negative events. Your relationships could be transformed. I was witnessing many great things after releasing my stuck emotions. Before, in my unconscious brain, I would say that is impossible. I was only engaged in my story and how powerless I was. 

Once I felt that real power of being free and stopped fearing my fears I was getting less and less in those provoking situations. Even if those situations happen sometimes I am much calmer and I go quickly into the causal emotion, shake it and continue my day in dancing way.


Don't use masks be true to yourself whatever the cost is. Authenticity always belongs to the presence because all falseness enters either from the past or from the future. 

Live your life now and be real!


Typos courtesy of English being a second language ;-)

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