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San Diego CA United States

©2016 by RevivingMatrix


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"Nothing will work unless you do"

January 4, 2017


Biohacking came to me in 2008 when my son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. That day he hit all parameters and conditions to get that heavy and life-limiting label.

Fifteen pages of what he couldn't do and almost nothing to hold onto it.


Watching my beautiful boy, playful and happy in his own world without one single word, taught or understanding what’s going on around him in that room, my heart was breaking in 3 billion pieces over and over. Every millisecond pain was striking like something that seemed, it will never go away.

I was holding as hard as I could by being aware that I “should” stay tough ( because big girls don’t cry) and that I am in the room with 4 professionals and group of students watching us through the mirror, while my soul was shattering like some delicate glass in slow motion shot by bullet.  

Left with fears, pain, sadness and not too many options….I picked myself up and promised myself that I will do whatever is needed to help him reach his highest potential whatever that means in his case. I couldn’t just let that label determine his life and his future.


I was told that options don’t exist, nothing can be done, to stop believing he will talk and invest money in some communication system that will help him communicate his basic needs. That day I decided to leave the space open for any possibility to come our way and do everything possible and impossible by many people and specialists.


With all that force in me to go forward, fear and pain were constant and I was bleeding. Many years of studying, researching but not to pass exam or test, rather understand what was broken, how those pathways should work and what was the hardest to reach - how to help it work again. How to hack unhackable.


Dealing with amazingly complex science on foreign language was excruciating for me. It required an enormous portion of my energy, more hours I had to spend, more books to buy, more lectures to attend… to give more of me.

Biohacking his chemistry, cooking special diets, doing therapies with him, giving love and being just a my emotions... Day by day for years, together me and him went up and down many times. Many times after reaching fantastic improvements he would just “fall” behind and regress dramatically.


Those moments were the most painful moments you can reach by dealing with something far bigger than you, after being so happy that he has reached next level or two levels up he would fall far behind again, sometimes even further that he was at the beginning. And you don’t know why!


No usage of alcohol, nor happy pills, without a magic wand to help me or make me numb I would just cry and stay in my sadness through the night and with next morning starting all over again.

Without proper sleep, social life, conversation that doesn’t involve conversation about poop and what I found in it, without fun activities that normal adults do, no occupational satisfaction, going shopping for new clothes and shoes just because it’s fun, not going out with my girls….basically I didn’t exist for outside world for a while. I was locked with him deep and far away, searching for the way out.


I have done many things, except one - I have never STOPPED!!!


In 2015 we succeeded, walked out of that place together, out of that dimension in his beautiful mind. Him walking and realizing that he has climbed the highest mountain of his life and me standing behind him breathing in the life through broken windows of my being.  


With all things that had happened to us in connection with Autism and in no connection with Autism,  just by living far from our families in foreign country, many bumpy roads we traveled, all those emotions that were existing in me, many doubts and uncertainties, I definitely knew that I have to embrace our situation. And I did!


Acceptance didn’t mean I gave up, it meant I have found a peace within myself and within the situation, I was given. I have never actually stopped looking for a miracle, but what I stopped was blaming my life and all the forces in the Universe because “they” gave me that hard assignment.


By having so clear WHY, why I am fighting, why searching for answers, why not giving up, surviving over and over again in that confusing continuum of time in a life full of surprises and riddles I didn’t know how to solve, I was able to get things done.


That’s why, when I hear people saying:

~I tried everything and nothing helped me. Nothing worked.

I smile, and say:

~Me too, until I did it !!!!!


I wrote those words from my personal story to tell you that you can do anything you set your mind to it, by embracing your situation and believing that right answers will come your way if you keep going, keep looking. By waking up every morning and choosing to seek solutions rather than convincing yourself in limitations of your abilities and limitations of your story.


Even when pain seems so unbearable, stop for a while to consolidate yourself, to process those emotions and continue. By being overemotional, or constantly suppressing them we don’t see opportunities that are around us, that’s why we as coaches use specific techniques in coaching to help people process everything that is blurring their vision, calm down and help them find their strength. Once emotions are calm and vision is clear we make strategies and support system that client can succeed.   


"You may not be able to control every situation and its outcome, but you can control your attitude and how you deal with it.”


People with higher Emotional Intelligence level have better results in dealing with troubling situations than people with lover level of EQ. They are more stable, patient, persuasive, systematic….they try more, they search for positive outcomes, they are not rigid in trying new things, give a chance that something else or someone else can be right.


By developing EI you can enjoy more success in your life and handle the situation on one emotionally mature and healthy way.


You can build your Emotional Intelligence through self-exploration and self-awareness, by working with your coach or therapist. Use whatever is available to you and build yourself up and discover for real is it possible to reach “impossible” or not. And remember - “Nothing will work unless you DO!”


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